She looked uncertain. “You don’t want to?” He was thinking, No, I don’t want you

to see the scars. “Better this way,” he said.

 

They lay down on the tarp, he above her.

 

He started breathing more quickly. And his brain seemed to be misfiring.

 

She said, “Um, you can keep your clothes on, but you do have to unzip your

pants.” She helped him with this, and then he settled down on top of her.

 

But his brain was still misfiring.

 

In frustration he gripped the edge of a shelf built into the van’s wall so hard

it broke off and a heavy tool toppled down and almost hit them. “Shit, what was

that?” exclaimed Davis, who half sat up. “It’s…it’s nothing.” He slowly settled

her back down. “Paul, everything okay?” His heart was beating so fast he thought

it might burst. He couldn’t remember how to do this.

 

I can’t even remember how to make love to a woman. How pathetic is that? “Paul,”

she said again, squirming under him.

 

He felt a strong impulse to grab her neck and break it. Desperate, he racked his

brains and suddenly hit on it.